Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
