their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
