We're like a lot better than the average bears
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
