i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
