Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
