I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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