my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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