thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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