I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
