Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I need water and some morals
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