I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
