oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
