At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
