nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
