Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
