i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
