somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
