end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
