I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
