I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
