Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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