Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
