i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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