Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
