His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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