I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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