I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
