And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
