mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
