i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
