I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Come see our sink grown plant.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
