last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
