please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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