WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
