The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
