if only i could text you this smell
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
