Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
