I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
