I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
