So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
