you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
