I'm lost and stupid without you.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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