They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
