She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
