I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
