Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I love you.
Bad choice
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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