And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
