that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
