He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
