SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
