he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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