My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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