they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
