You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
